The above title is a hindi proverb which can be loosely translated as “If you cant give jaggery, atleast speak like jaggery ie.talk sweetly”
Which means if you cant do good to anyone atleast speak to them in such a way that they feel good.
My mom and mil often ask me to practice the above said proverb,which I am completely against.
I beleive if you cant do good to others and there is no point to give them false assurance that you are with them and would help them when they need.
We might give them a temporary happiness but in long run when they actually need help and expect us to help them we back out.
Let me share some instances where just sweet talks does not do good.
1.Ask your mil what needs to be cooked and how much:
My mom is of the opinion that always ask your mil what has to be cooked,this will her happiness that her dil atleast asks her for her opinion.
I disagree to this,I know what is to be cooked as I plan my cooking 2 days in advance.Lets say if I ask her in the morning what has to be cooked
and she says bhindi but I dont have bhindi chopped ,my maid has chopped gobhi and I plan to cook the same.
Ofcourse I will have to refuse which may make her feel sad and would think “jab apne man ka karna tha,to poocha hi kyun?”
2.You son/daughter needs a job,dont worry I know XYZ people they will refer your child:
People please unless you really have contacts or know some people who can really help in finding job or could atleast arrange for interview please dont assure people of job.
Its about someone’s career.
a)”Bhabhiji aap to bas apne bacche ka resume bhej do,I know ABC manager/teamlead/HR in my company/friend’s comapany/friend’s friend’s company.
App bas resume bhej do..samjho aapka kaam ho gaya”
And once the resume is mailed to them ,the mail is unread for ages or is being deleted then and there.
b)”Bhai saahab aapne bataya nahi apne billu (replace any other nick name) ne engineering kar li.Aap to bas usko bhej do Mumbai
(again replace it ,with any other big Indian city) (s)he can stay with us and look for job”.And once you land up in their city,
forget about coming to pick you on the railway station when you reach their house,they would give you such weired looks that you would be embarrased
or worst when you reach you may find their house closed and neighbours inform you that they have gone on a month’s vacation.
3.You have to get your kid married,dont worry I know many people in our community,I will get an alliance fixed.
“Bhabhiji aap to chinta karo hi mat beti ki shadi ki,wo to meri khud ki beti jaisi hai.I will find the best groom for her.Bas samajh lo shadi fix ho gayi,aap
to bas shaadi ki taiyaari shuru kar do”
There are many such similar instances where people would give assurances and give you hope.But when reality strikes you realize the same people who made all
promises have disappeared and you find yourself alone.
My point is give assurance only if you really can help or atleast you have inclination to help.Dont ever give false hope.People might assure you that they would help,
and when you ask them/remind them they get bugged up and start telling others of how you have made their life hell and try to sympathies from them.
Such people love to play double game.
**************************************
All said and done,people I would really love to know your thoughts on this.No matter if your thoughts are not inline with mine,i would still love to what do you people think.
Please post in your honest coments here or mail me.Suggestions are welcome 🙂
lampnitslight 
Totally second you. Don’t give false promises or be nice just for the sake of it. I try to avoid misunderstanding or bitterness as much as possible. Sometimes for this I can’t let the cat out of the bag but try to give the shocker as mildly as possible. For e.g. a friend of mine wants to join my organization. I have a feeling that she won’t be able to adjust here or with the boss. But didn’t want to break her heart. So I told her that we are not hiring at the moment, which is true. And later told her what kind of people are actually expected and she wouldn’t have been suitable. That made both of us relieved. I don’t know whether I did the right thing or not, but at least I was not on her face, yet told her the truth.
I think you did great job in conveying her that the job will not be suitable for her without hurting her feeling…
*clap Clap*
I agree 🙂
thankoo 🙂
Agree with you..I just hate giving false assurances..what’s the point?
correct false promises does good to no one,in turn causes ill feeling..
Giving false hopes or promises is really bad. Better to say a straight forward NO rather than making false commitments or giving false hopes.
True… saying a straight NO is better than giving false hopes
Well said.. Oh beleive me , My grandfather was a high post and you should have seen all these people pussy footing around him all the time, let your grandson graduate , let this or that .. just to get their work done.
I learnt something from Dad, NOT to let these people give you false hopes, 99% of people just TALK.. thats it , Thankfully I was not dependant on any of these else I would be a nobody now.. Well I am a nobody now too but it would be worse
People love to give false hopes or try to show off ..
moreover what you can do on your own and your own hard work, gives you more pride 🙂
yes I agree that depending on others would take us no where…but I do not agree that you are ‘nobody’ ,I think what ever you are in your life is a great achievement as you did it all onw your own with anyone giving you that push….It indeed is a pride …
*without anyone giving that push…
agreed.. totally.. false hopes are good for nothing infact bad to follow. there is so much disconnect between ones talk and action.. if this is watched upon and corrected so many domestic and other issues will get solved by itself.. be responsible for what you talk..
I loved your last line “be responsible for what you talk”..so true.