You are sitting in your cubicle concentrating hard on your work. Suddenly you hear your newly engaged female colleague speaking on the phone with her fiance using all those cheesy and mushy words. You get distracted you are not able to work and constantly making errors. You understand her excitement of getting engaged so instead of telling her publicly to go out and speak you ping her on ip messenger. She agreed to be careful but still continues to speak at the same pitch. Slowly you get irritated and make more and more mistakes. You again ping and in a good humor tell her that people around her understand Hindi and it is not good to make our life public. She says sorry but continues without lowering her voice.
You are in angry mood because you have to do the rework for the errors that you made. She comes to you and asks you that if she is speaking on phone then why the hell you have a problem. You try to explain her as an elder sister that it looks cheap when people hear us talking personal stuffs and they get disturbed. Also it gives an impression that we are too casual about our work.
She gets angry goes back to her desk asks others if they too had issues with her talking on phone. She then comes back and publicly blasts you right and left ,yells and leaves cursing you. You are stunned you want to yell back but then sense prevails you and you realize you are a senior resource with 4+ years of exp. and have a reputation you cant be ruining it that for a girl who has just 6 months of corporate experience. We cant shout and yell in our workplace like rowdy and we need to maintain some decorum.
The girl cries and tries to get sympathy from others and you curse yourself of trying to be too good to first explain her,her mistake and secondly for not escalating the matter.
You reach home in the evening,as you climb the stairs you meet your landlady and her college going daughter along with the other tenant who is a mother of a year old boy. You greet them and they tell you how tired you must be getting after office and then cooking at home,you just smile and inform them that your husband helps with the kitchen chores. They look at you in disbelief and asks you when will your mil be back so that she can take up the cooking task. You inform them that even if she is here you do the morning cooking and she just helps. They collectively stare at you and you kinda feel awkward.
The college going daughter asks you why you go by BMTC bus and your husband by Activa. I mean boss why are you interfering so much,don’t you have anything better to do??There are much more lucrative stuffs to do then just gossiping..well I tell her that I have lost my wallet and license and she says , “oh you are so careless”.
You are speaking to your aunt- in law and she tells you to enjoy staying alone when your husband will be out of town for 15 days (she will never leave her daughter for a single day).You inform her that your parents are worried as how you will stay alone when she quickly says “but you stayed alone for 4 years why cant you stay alone now”.
My point is I stayed alone (but not practically alone) in a hostel where there were 35 other girls ,it was a different story altogether.
She then tells me call your parents for 15 days. They can stay with you till your husband comes back.
My point:Don’t my parents have other work to do then to come and stay with me,as husband has to go out of town and then go back when my husband comes back.
She asks you that do you get tired after coming back from office (how can I get tired I am a dil ,working willingly and I have no right to get tired) you say ‘yes’ then she says “slowly you will get habitual”.WTH your daughter is a princess for you she needs rest but then a dil is expected to take all the burden and slowly get used to it.
All the above mentioned people except the landlady are educated people but still the way they think boils my blood. I complained about to it to my hubby he asked me to ignore such people. He cant go and tell them to be sensible they are our relatives ,colleague and we have to stay with them. Just learn to say ‘yes’ to everything they say and move forward rather then banging your head over such issues. I agree he is right but its just that I am different than him and his way of handling people is different from mine. I cannot take anything that is not right and I fight back but according to him sometimes its better to stay quite.
I was mad at my aunt-inlaw. Her daughter is not able to find a job and she is telling me that if I don’t work I’ll get bored sitting at home and that I am working willingly. Dear aunty its also about one’s talent to get a job (and necessity too).Wont your daughter get bore as she has no job and another one month for her to complete the degree and you have no intention of making her work. But then her daughter should stay at home ,sit and relax,she will neither leave her daughter for a day anywhere nor will leave her husband. And she asks me to stay alone and enjoy.
(2 months back also she told me to take a month’s leave and go home and my husband can take care of himself.Ya let your daughter get married I will then ask you to call her for a month leaving her husband behind)
Moreover you speak bad about your own fil who is not mentally sound ,what if I talk bad about my mil or any of your relative,how would you feel but then you have all the right to speak ill about your 80+ father-in law.
But I cant back answer coz I am a dil and if I do speak then the verdict would spread amongst all the relative that I am so rude ,back answers and this would eventually leave a black mark on me. On that I worry about that but this would further lead to sentences like “her parents have taught her nothing”.Why should my parents be blamed when these people themselves are wrong?
Since I kinda back answered my aunt in-law I felt bad. The words echoed in my head and they refused to leave me. I couldn’t have a sound sleep. I felt guilty. My husband told me I waste my energy and time thinking about these people. Its better to say quite,let them say what they want and then disconnect the call. Instead of back answering and spoiling my image and then feeling guilty about it.
I guess its all because of my bad temper that I immediately revolt when someone says something wrong. I fight and argue as I believe accepting wrong is beyond my limits. I think I need to learn to stay quite in front of relatives and let them say what they want. Its really tough for me but I’ll try my best to implement it.
Well I sign off in a grumpy mood but request all of you to kindly suggest how to handle these people especially the relatives