All about pesky people around me…

Scene 1:

You are sitting in your cubicle concentrating hard on your work. Suddenly you hear your newly engaged female colleague speaking on the phone with her fiance using all those cheesy and mushy words. You get distracted you are not able to work and constantly making errors. You understand her excitement of getting engaged so instead of telling her publicly to go out and speak you ping her on ip messenger. She agreed to be careful but still continues to speak at the same pitch. Slowly you get irritated and make more and more mistakes. You again ping and in a good humor tell her that people around her understand Hindi and it is not good to make our life public. She says sorry but continues without lowering her voice.

You are in angry mood because you have to do the rework for the errors that you made. She comes to you and asks you that if she is speaking on phone then why the hell you have a problem. You try to explain her as an elder sister that it looks cheap when people hear us talking personal stuffs and they get disturbed. Also it gives an impression that we are too casual about our work.

She gets angry goes back to her desk asks others if they too had issues with her talking on phone. She then comes back and publicly blasts you right and left ,yells and leaves cursing you. You are stunned you want to yell back but then sense prevails you and you realize you are a senior resource with 4+ years of exp. and have a reputation you cant be ruining it that for a girl who has just 6 months of corporate experience. We cant shout and yell in our workplace like rowdy and we need to maintain some decorum.

The girl cries and tries to get sympathy from others and you curse yourself of trying to be too good to first explain her,her mistake and secondly for not escalating the matter.

Scene 2:

You reach home in the evening,as you climb the stairs you meet your landlady and her college going daughter along with the other tenant who is a mother of a year old boy. You greet them and they tell you how tired you must be getting after office and then cooking at home,you just smile and inform them that your husband helps with the kitchen chores. They look at you in disbelief and asks you when will your mil be back so that she can take up the cooking task. You inform them that even if she is here you do the morning cooking and she just helps. They collectively stare at you and you kinda feel awkward.

The college going daughter asks you why you go by BMTC bus and your husband by Activa. I mean boss why are you interfering so much,don’t you have anything better to do??There are much more lucrative stuffs to do then just gossiping..well I tell her that I have lost my wallet and license and she says , “oh you are so careless”.

Scene 3:

You are speaking to your aunt- in law and she tells you to enjoy staying alone when your husband will be out of town for 15 days (she will never leave her daughter for a single day).You inform her that your parents are worried as how you will stay alone when she quickly says “but you stayed alone for 4 years why cant you stay alone now”.

My point is I stayed alone (but not practically alone) in a hostel where there were 35 other girls ,it was a different story altogether.

She then tells me call your parents for 15 days. They can stay with you till your husband comes back.

My point:Don’t my parents have other work to do then to come and stay with me,as husband has to go out of town and then go back when my husband comes back.

She asks you that do you get tired after coming back from office (how can I get tired I am a dil ,working willingly and I have no right to get tired) you say ‘yes’ then she says “slowly you will get habitual”.WTH your daughter is a princess for you she needs rest but then a dil is expected to take all the burden and slowly get used to it.

All the above mentioned people except the landlady are educated people but still the way they think boils my blood. I complained about to it to my hubby he asked me to ignore such people. He cant go and tell them to be sensible they are our relatives ,colleague and we have to stay with them. Just learn to say ‘yes’ to everything they say and move forward rather then banging your head over such issues. I agree he is right but its just that I am different than him and his way of handling people is different from mine. I cannot take anything that is not right and I fight back but according to him sometimes its better to stay quite.

I was mad at my aunt-inlaw. Her daughter is not able to find a job and she is telling me that if I don’t work I’ll get bored sitting at home and that I am working willingly. Dear aunty its also about one’s talent to get a job (and necessity too).Wont your daughter get bore as she has no job and another one month for her to complete the degree and you have no intention of making her work. But then her daughter should stay at home ,sit and relax,she will neither leave her daughter for a day anywhere nor will leave her husband. And she asks me to stay alone and enjoy.

(2 months back also she told me to take a month’s leave and go home and my husband can take care of himself.Ya let your daughter get married I will then ask you to call her for a month leaving her husband behind)

Moreover you speak bad about your own fil who is not mentally sound ,what if I talk bad about my mil or any of your relative,how would you feel but then you have all the right to speak ill about your 80+ father-in law.

But I cant back answer coz I am a dil and if I do speak then the verdict would spread amongst all the relative that I am so rude ,back answers and this would eventually leave a black mark on me. On that I worry about that but this would further lead to sentences like “her parents have taught her nothing”.Why should my parents be blamed when these people themselves are wrong?

Since I kinda back answered my aunt in-law I felt bad. The words echoed in my head and they refused to leave me. I couldn’t have a sound sleep. I felt guilty. My husband told me I waste my energy and time thinking about these people. Its better to say quite,let them say what they want and then disconnect the call. Instead of back answering and spoiling my image and then feeling guilty about it.

I guess its all because of my bad temper that I immediately revolt when someone says something wrong. I fight and argue as I believe accepting wrong is beyond my limits. I think I need to learn to stay quite in front of relatives and let them say what they want. Its really tough for me but I’ll try my best to implement it.

Well I sign off in a grumpy mood but request all of you to kindly suggest how to handle these people especially the relatives

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6 thoughts on “All about pesky people around me…

  1. Errr… I think your husband is right when he asks you to keep quiet and ignore such people. You cannot change people, there are millions out there. But yes, when it comes to people you interact with regularly, it is difficult to keep mum and nod to all the bullshit they come up with. I can understand your frustration Garima. I overcame the desire to remain a good DIL long long ago! Abbas told me in the initial days of marriage – ‘You are here for keeps. Just be the way you are.’ Although I would not react each time to talks that angered me, I would not reply which would give others hint about my discomfort. But a few shameless people who chose to poke me intentionally to hurt me, I would say some harsh sentence which shut them up for good.

    • Thats where the problem is one rude reply and gone 😦
      Yes I think going forward I will just reply in binary and not argue with them .

  2. #1: I dont think I would have told that lady anything…ulta I would have shamelessly enjoyed the love talk..yaa yaa I am cheap that ways

    #2: Errr…I would have just smiled and finished it off there

    #3: how can I get tired I am a dil ,working willingly and I have no right to get tired) – What exactly do you mean by that???? I mean is your aunty saying you have no right to get tired or are you saying you have no right to get tired *As usual confused RM wonders*

    But the point is…your hubby is right 😦

    Ignore…thats the only thing that works for me now a days

    Dont take all this to heart Garima..it just gives you a headache…not worth it..blog about it and take it out of your system :):)

    We all are here to give you BEEEG hugs 🙂

  3. 1.May you are right,I might have over reacted but seriously I was not able to concentrate.Proffesionally and ethically its wrong to chit chat on work station.

    2.Yes I should have not given the clarification that I lost my DL and all that.I was pissed off and dint want them to think then my hubby is cruel.

    3.Aunt was like “slowly you will get habitual”.What would anyone conclude?She is housewife and has a cook and all that,may be she could have suggested me to keep one.Her exact words were “ab ye sab to karna padta hai dheere dheer aadat ho jayegi”. That is I am expected to work otherwise I’ll get bore and then also not feel tired.

  4. First of all Tight Hugz n second Like your hubby rightly said, Just Ignore the comments!!
    Reason 1 – No matter wat you do ppl will speak and mostly want to poke thier big fat noses into our life.
    Reason 2 – No matter how much you try to be a Good DIL, a DIL is a DIL and like you just said once spoken you will be tagged as Bad and you cannot take it back

    And I am also like you (Same Pinch) I cannot keep Mum, so I speak, Since I am vocal and Frank (Mufhat) I am bad.. But the best thing I hv learnt from my own experience it
    “TO IGNORE” and “TO KEEP MUM”
    Try this and you will feel calm from Insdie!! *Hugs Darling*

  5. hmm ignoring is the best way, you will never be able ot change them , that is 100% and if you get upset all the time it will sort of spoil the ambience at home ..

    so ignoring is best these people will find out the hard way when their own daughter is treated the same way as they are treating you .. But then they will find problems with the in-laws of their daughter.

    Regarding your collegue well again why bother, let her make a mockery of herself, if she is not ashamed of her ways then why bother, get some ear plugs and put them on , listen to some music or just enjoy the conversation 🙂

    people will say something either way no matter what ..

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